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Let’s Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend

gallusrostromegalus:

  • So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist
  • We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story.

  • I love Kat dearly
  • but she forgets that she’s stupid strong and hypermobile

  • so one day she throws her back out
  • bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn’t stand upright
  • “But also I needed Tampons and like.  A Burrito, real bad.”
  • she’s flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this
  • and, in an

  • impeccable

  • leap of reasoning, decides
  • “I can’t roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal.
  • But I can ARCH my back just fine.
  • SO 
  • I’m going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie-type pose,
  • And amble on down to the 7-11”

  • “And get me that Burrito”

  • It is, 
  • for context, 
  • after midnight in July during a wildfire so it’s hot as satan’s own asshole and the moon is red and shit’s already generally cursed.

  • Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world’s deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don’t see anyone’s head over the counters.
  • Whatever.
  • Except you keep hearing noises like there’s someone in the next aisle over.  
  • Fucking around in the burrito section
  • It’s also worth mentioning that Kat
  • 1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she’s not paying attention
  • 2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so
  • tonight’s song is something from veggietales.


  • DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND

  • and/or is really fucking high and isn’t sure if he’s tripping balls or notanyway
  • Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons
  • She realizes the counter presents something of a challenge, and then demonstrates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, 
  • exactly 
  • how she used the shelves to climb up the counter 
  • like one of the boston robotics beasties


  • dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says.


  • “Register’s broke.”

  • “Oh No!” Says Kat.
    “Just Take ‘em.”
    “Really?  I can leave cash-you don’t have to give me change I don’t want you to get in trouble with your manager.”
    “…Nah.”
    “Oh!  OK!  Thank you!”
    “Yeah ok bye.”

  • Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about  "A Suspicious Individual” at tle 7-11. 

  • It took her 
  • FOUR
  • FUCKING 
  • YEARS
  •  to realize she was the suspicious individual

iwilltrytobereasonable:

otherwindow:

Tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies.

Thank you for this bespoke nightmare

toodrunktofindaurl:
“Oppy deserves a happy ending, okay
”

toodrunktofindaurl:

Oppy deserves a happy ending, okay

daltongraham:

lornacrowley:

lornacrowley:

i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers

i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i

@savvyblunders @bokkle-oran-doove @bryntwedge @221bbakerstreetcat @littlebeekeeper and everyone else in BLU DOC …are we sure about this?

Anonymous
asks:
how you make love without dick tho?

ontarionaire:

sonoanthony:

  1. You use water color to paint on her skin
  2. You wash her hair/ help her with her hair 
  3. Cuddle up naked in the dark talking about your goals 
  4. When she’s crying you hold her until she stops 
  5. if you think she needs something you get it (ex. if her period is coming up soon you go to the store and buy ice cream/chocolate) 
  6. Wake up before her and make her breakfast
  7. sliding your finger from her forehead to the back of her ear to fix her hair to get a better look 
  8. Walking her home when it’s really late to make sure she gets home safe
  9. Surprising her with concert tickets to her favorite artist 

All of this is making love. I’m sorry society has failed you and you think the only way to make love is shoving your dick inside of her. 

🙏🏽

heyangilmau:
“ At least eight islands in the Pacific have already disappeared because of rising sea levels. Over the next century many communities, including my family, will be displaced and lose their ancestral lands and foundation of their cultural...

heyangilmau:

At least eight islands in the Pacific have already disappeared because of rising sea levels. Over the next century many communities, including my family, will be displaced and lose their ancestral lands and foundation of their cultural practices. Trump removing the US from the Paris Agreement, taking climate change off the National Security Strategy, and repealing the Clean Power Plan is a slap in the face and to me, intensely personal. PLEASE contact your representatives regarding climate change and taking steps to counteract the potentially irreversible harm Trump is doing to our planet.

I am working on setting up an online store in the next month or so and it will include all of my Disney Resists prints! 10% of everything in my shop will go to the ACLU and other civil rights groups putting in the time this past year 💛

https://www.instagram.com/heyangilmau/

https://www.facebook.com/heyangilmau/

https://twitter.com/heyangilmau

samandfuzzy:
“ Important Corgi Facts
”

samandfuzzy:

Important Corgi Facts